Even if you hope for a fast divorce, it doesn’t mean you will be able to get through it as quickly as you want. Even if you do make it through the legal proceedings, the ability to adapt to a new lifestyle, choose your direction and follow it, challenge to not interrupt your ex’s life, and more, requires a lot of self-realisation, sensible attitude, and proper arrangements made in order to supply yourself with the best possible conditions for the life of a divorcee.
After living in marriage for a decade or more, you cannot just switch off your habits, break your life views, and look in the opposite direction, just because the papers are signed or it comes to that. You need to give yourself some time and put in decent efforts to alter your life and buildup foundations for a happy future. But you just have to do it, unless you want to live in the past for your whole life.
Change Your Routine
Even after you finish up with the legal forms, there may be the desire to stick to the routine and ask your ex-husband to come over to help with some hard work around the house, or even pop in to have a homemade dinner with your ex-wife. But you should always keep in mind that you are no longer married or are on the way to divorce, so you’d better move apart inch by inch and not cross any borders, keeping in mind other relationships around you.
You need to realise that you are not married anymore and organise your routine, so that you can rely only on yourself. Share the house chores with your children, go shopping for groceries with your closest friend, ask your neighbour to help you with some fixing, cooking, or babysitting. Try to minimise interactions with your ex in everyday life as much as possible, as it will help you to realise your new status sooner and adapt to the new lifestyle easier.
Choose the Type of Relationships
When you are done with the physical part of connections and interrelations, it’s time to break the mental and emotional ones. You cannot just switch off your feelings but you can train yourself and change the attitude to your ex if you put in some decent efforts. Even if you file a divorce online and don’t want to see your ex anymore, you may still have some strong negative feelings towards him\her, which, remember, are strong emotional connection as well.
So, no matter what feeling you have in relation to your ex-spouse, whether it be guilt, sorrow, anger, offence, love, and more, you have to get over it and leave it in the past. Obviously, this is always easier to say than do, so it’s always good to get some help to cope with your emotional connection. It can be a close friend or relative with a similar successful divorce experience, a therapist, an online or offline divorce coach, or anyone who will help you to build a strategy of creating a completely new type of relationships with your ex. The best option is to treat your ex-spouse as a business partner so that you can cooperate only when needed, for example, for custodial duties, you can manage it without any drama or a complicated emotional situation. Choose your type of relationship, perform your role in the best way possible, and concentrate on the priorities to build up a happy future.
Let It Go
Another hard part is to let go of your ex-partner in a physical and emotional way, and follow your separate direction. Try not to get aware of your ex’s life events and changes, don’t follow him\her on social websites, and don’t discuss him\her with your friends or relatives, despite any temptations. Even if you happen to know some details and changes in the life of your ex-spouse, treat them as something that happens to your distant acquaintances. Analyse your relationships, learn from the mistakes, keep some precious memories if need be, feel gratitude for the years you spent together, and finally, leave them in the past. Realise that you won’t have any space to create a successful future unless you let your past go. If you find managing this process is tricky, it’s advisable to get some reliable support and learn to live on your own, concentrating on personal priorities and values. Let yourself be happy and do your best to provide the appropriate conditions for your future happiness.