Why Capetonians Are Just The Worst

Cant even

Ok, ok so before you start chasing us with pitch forks we want you to know that this isn’t exactly the opinion of the WomenStuff team. Every city has its quirks and little niggling things that annoying the heck out of non locals but this piece was too funny not to share with you all. This week local blog, Pardon Our French published a follow up piece to their not-so-popular piece on why Joburg is the worst (or “18 Things Capetonians Learnt About People from Jozi”) and it had us in stitches. While the WomenStuff team is made up of a team of both Cape Town born and Joburg born writers we just couldn’t get over how accurate some of these observations where. Here are some of our favourites from the article.

1. The letters R S V P have no meaning to them and they are usually late. For everything. To a Capetonian 7pm for 7:30pm somehow means 8:30pm for 9.pm They will make multiple plans on a single night and honour none of them ‘cause they are like SO busy, “Like babe! My life is so hectic right now I can’t go out, but I hope you have an amazing birthday, coffee soon? xxx,” a friend will text as they are on their way to another party… Pick a plan! Just pick a Francing plan and commit to it.

woman on phone

2. Driving. This one goes out to all the GP peeps out there. Y’all know what I’m talking about. Capetonians. Can’t. Drive. Indicators are a concept as foreign as punctuality or the Gautrain and they have also committed to rejecting the concept of the fast lane to the point where it is almost admirable.

3. The outdoors. This includes, but is not limited to trance parties in the winelands, concerts in parks, walks on the promenade and Signal Hill/Lion’s Head. Now, while these are all wonderful activities, 9 times out of 10 these have something to do with a sunset and an Instagram caption or Facebook status that is designed to shame you for your Woollies meal and accompanying series binge. Which begs the question: If a Capetonian went up Signal Hill and didn’t Instagram it, did it really happen?


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4. Half. Price. Sushi. Never in the history of dining has a more bourgeois offering existed. For all their pretention of gin bars, craft beer, weekend markets, gourmet peasant food and hipster hangouts, no Capetonian can resist half price sushi. Wave a 50% off California roll in front of a hipster and you’d think someone made typewriters mandatory in the workplace.

There are 9 more hilarious reasons in the rest of the article so click through to read the original here.

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